lana's apartment } { a guilty conscience needs no accuser

[manorsuperman]

[Lana insisted Dean come back home when he found his brother and was glad to see he listened. Not that she hadn't expected him to, but with things as crazy as they were, she wasn't sure what to expect anymore.

She made sure he was comfortable on the couch, then pulled his favorite beer from the fridge along with a slice of homemade pie.

There was a look, though, a look she knew very well.

She handed off the beer, but kept the plate in her hands as she sat.]

So are we going to talk about it or are you planning on eating your feelings?

Comments

[hasperkynipples]

[sighs as he leans back against the couch, taking a sip of the beer. Admitting it out loud is the last thing he wanted to do, but who knows? Maybe the psychobabble crap was right and he actually would feel better]

I killed a kitsune.

[manorsuperman]

[She pauses and nods slowly, leaving the slightly confused look on her face to speak for her.]

[hasperkynipples]

Japanese fox demon. Feeds on human pituitary glands.

[takes a breath]

Sam was hunting her first. And Sam let her go, because he knew her. She saved his life once upon a time, and she promised him that she only did what she did to save her son, and that normally she only fed off bodies that were already dead.

I told him that I would trust him and let it lie.

[manorsuperman]

But you didn't.

[Least judgmental tone ever. She's starting to understand.]

[hasperkynipples]

I couldn't. She killed people, and now that she had a taste for it again, she was going to do it again. And Sam's track record with trusting monsters hadn't ended so well in the past. Add to the fact that he's slowly losing it, and ...

[a beat]

She had a kid.

[another beat]

He's probably going to track me down and kill me if I'm still around in a few years -- I'm giving you fair warning on that one.

[there's a small, dry smirk]

So no getting pissed at me for it.

[he's only half-joking]

[manorsuperman]

[She lifts a hand to his face and gives him the same look.]

If he manages that, I'll kill him myself.

[She's only half joking.]

[hasperkynipples]

[turns into her hand, and the smile widened a little, but not by much]

That's not the part I'm worried about now.

[manorsuperman]

[She pauses, letting her thumb graze over his cheek before her hand comes down. She pulls up her feet and tucks them under her, needing to be as comfortable as possible.

She looks down at her hands in her lap, taking a deep breath. She's collecting herself, because what she's about to say isn't something she's discussed in depth with anyone, but she thinks he needs to hear it to help him deal with his own life. And she always gives Dean what he needs as long as it's in her power.

At least this will be easier than telling him what Lex did to her.]

[hasperkynipples]

[he's starting to sense when she's going to tell him something big about the time he was gone, and while most of the time, he didn't like hearing it, he knew he had to. Knowing was half the battle, and there were some things he needed to know.

So he turns, and he waits, just letting her talk]

[manorsuperman]

[It takes her a bit, but she gets there.]

A few years ago, when I was with Clark, he went missing for a couple of weeks. Or...I thought it was only a couple.

[a beat]

It turns out what came back wasn't Clark, just-- [a big sigh] Just some kind of copy. Including his memories.

[another beat]

I was living with him for over a month before the real Clark came back.

[hasperkynipples]

[listens, takes that in. He remembers that year. He dropped by during that year, before his deal came due, and he wonders for a brief moment if that was the real Clark he was seeing, or the imposter that she was mentioning]

What happened when you found out?

[manorsuperman]

He asked me to come away with him. That Clark could never love me the way he did. Sometimes I think maybe he was right.

[a beat before she finally looks at Dean]

I told he was. That I'd never been more in love.

[she becomes very still and almost blank]

Then I killed him.

[hasperkynipples]

[his hand wanders down to find hers. He doesn't know much about Clark's alien friends. Not beyond what they are and what they can do, but they made things complicated. More complicated than his monsters ever did -- and they could make things pretty damn complicated.]

You did what you had to do.

[he tries to tell himself the same thing, and he knows it doesn't help much, but it's the only thing he can thing of to say]

[manorsuperman]

I know. It didn't matter what either of us felt, or how much he promised to change. He wasn't going to.

[another slow, deep breath]

Some people are just killers.

[hasperkynipples]

[nods]

Killing something that killed people isn't the part that's bothering me. It's what I do every day. It's just that I had to go behind Sam's back to do it.

[manorsuperman]

Would Sam have let you if you hadn't?

[hasperkynipples]

No. She was his friend. He trusted her.

[manorsuperman]

[pauses as she nods]

I think it's good you feel this way. It says something wonderful about you. But it doesn't change the fact that you had to do it.

[hasperkynipples]

Yeah.

[reaches for his beer and takes a sip, leaning back into the couch as he swallows]

Yeah, I know.

[manorsuperman]

[She watches him for a moment. He seems to feel a little better, but now she's the one who needs to talk. The problem is finding the right words.]

I missed you. While you were gone.

I know I've said it before, but...it's moments like this when I remember what it was like without you.

[hasperkynipples]

[he glances over at her at that, before holding out his arm and gesturing for her to come closer]

C'mere. I'm right here.

[manorsuperman]

[She leans against him, closing her eyes and breathing in his scent.]

No one understands me like you do.

[a beat]

No one who isn't a sociopath. [There's a bit of guilt in that part.]

[hasperkynipples]

[closes his eyes and settles. he knows he has to keep this moment about them, and not let Sam creep into the edges of his thoughts, and for a moment, he manages to do it]

I consider it a fair trade off for putting up with all the shit I put you through.

[manorsuperman]

You haven't put me through anything I wouldn't go through again.

[hasperkynipples]

[one hand strays against her back as he keeps her close]

Hopefully lightening won't strike twice.