Dean Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hasperkynipples) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ashorttriptohell2011-04-22 11:55 pm
hasperkynipples) wrote in ashorttriptohell2011-04-22 11:55 pm
Entry tags:
flashback } { the people we used to be
When Dean arrived in Smallville, he didn’t want to be Dean Winchester.
It was just after Sam’s twenty-first birthday, and Dean had been driving ever since he left Stanford. He hadn’t seen his brother for his birthday. He hadn’t been the one to take him to a bar for the first time legally and getting him wasted. Sam had friends for that now. He didn’t need his father, or his brother, apparently. He could find replacements for all of them in his shiny new life in Palo Alto. What the hell did he need Dean for?
What the hell did anyone need Dean for?
He wasn’t sure what brought on this sudden bout of self-loathing, or maybe it wasn’t all that sudden at all. Ever since Cassie, things in Dean’s life just seemed to keep slipping lower and lower, and while he didn’t know how to fix it, he knew that he just wanted a break. He left his dad hunting a coven in Wyoming, dropped by Stanford to make sure Sam was still in one piece, then headed east. He rolled into Smallville with the intention of just disappearing obscurely into some small town where no one knew his name. He wouldn’t do what his brother did. He would answer the phone if someone needed him, but beyond that, Dean Winchester was off the grid. And until necessary, he wasn’t coming back.
He pulled the Impala into a parking spot in front of a building called the Talon, and made his way inside. It was a slow afternoon, and there weren’t a whole lot of people around, just an odd coffee drinker and the girl behind the counter. He strode his way over, leaning against the counter as he looked around. The girl had a great ass and a pretty smile, and when she turned around, there was that small falter in the smile before it widened, a sign of interest if he ever saw one.
“What can I get you?” she asked, moving closer to the counter, and his eyes drifted up to the menu for a moment, before turning back to her.
“Just a large black coffee, if you can.”
“What, no cappuchino?”
“Hell no,” he said, with a laugh. “All I want in my coffee is caffeine, and nothing else.”
She laughed, before starting to fix the cup. “Well, if that’s what you want, that’s what you get.” He flashed her a smile, starting to drum his fingers against the counter lightly. She poured him the cup, and passed it to him. “New in town?”
He raised an eyebrow as he went to take a sip. “That obvious?”
“It’s a small town,” she said with a small smile. “New people tend to stand out a bit.”
“Ah,” he said with a nod. “Yeah, I’m new. Not sure if I’m just passin’ through or sticking around, though.”
“What brought you here in the first place?”
“Route 56?” he said with a shrug. “I needed to stop off for coffee and gas, so I figured this looked like as good a place as any.”
“So after you get your coffee you’re planning on just climbing back into your car and rolling off into the sunset?”
“It is what I do best,” he said with a grin. “Unless you can think of a reason why I should stay?”
She leaned forward on the counter, letting her elbows rest there for a moment, before shrugging. “To be honest, I can’t really think of all that good a reason why I am right now.”
“Huh,” he said with a shrug, before reaching for his wallet and handing the money off to her. “Guess it’s just another spot on the map.”
“Yeah. Guess so.” She handed him his change. “You have a good day … ?”
“Jason,” he said, pulling out the first name that came to mind. “Jason Teague.” ‘Jason Teague’ was actually his newest fake credit card, and officially his new favorite alias. In fact, he was a little too proud of it. But that was neither here nor there. “Nice meeting you … ?”
“Lana,” she nodded. “Lana Lang.”
***
Dean didn’t wind up just passing through.
Well, that’s not entirely true. He did, but he came back. There was about three months of aimless driving before he found his way back into town again, and back to the coffee shop of Lana Lang. An hour earlier he had been finishing up a salt and burn that had taken far too long, but that was what happened when you were working on your own. He didn’t know what pulled him back to the Talon, of all places, but he arrived at the same time she did, pulling a suitcase behind her and looking just about as exhausted as he felt.
“Hey,” she said softly, that smile stretching across her face again. “It’s Jason, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he said with a nod, barely remembering why he had used the name Jason but figuring it was close enough. “Lana, right?”
“That’s me,” she said with a nod. “What are you doing back in Smallville?”
He shrugged. “Route 56,” he lied. “I remembered that this was the town with excellent coffee.”
She nodded. “Well, I’m glad you found your way back.” She took a deep breath, before turning towards the door. He reached over to open it for her, and as she started to walk through, she turned back to him with a smile. “You know, they make a really good muffin here, too.”
“Do they?”
“They do,” she said with a nod. “And they’re usually better when enjoyed with someone else.”
“Well, I will just have to take your expert opinion on that one,” he grinned as he followed her inside.
“Good.”
***
When Lana first told him she loved him, Dean wasn’t sure what to do with it.
Dean hated witches. Hated them with a passion, and when one decided to up and possess his girlfriend? Dean wasn’t a happy camper. It didn’t take him all that long to find the book and destroy it, but not before the damage had been done. Lex had worn his fingers to the bone, and Dean himself was nursing more than a few bumps and bruises. But Lana, for the most part, was okay, and that was all that mattered.
They were curled up on the couch in her apartment, Lana wrapped in a blanket and cradled against his chest. He was tired, and really wanted nothing more than to just pass out and go back to sleep, but this was important too. This was needed.
“How did you figure out how to get me back?”
Dean shrugged, one had rubbing her back idly. “I’m a smart guy . She was so protective over that book, anyone could have put two and two together.”
“Well, I’m glad you did,” she said softly, shifting so that she could lean in and kiss him softly. He closed his eyes into the kiss, leaning into the press of her hand. There was something so normal about it, so safe, that for a moment Dean could understand what Sam found so enticing about it. “My hero,” she whispered as she pulled back, and he smiled, before pulling her in closer. She shifted, pulling back to meet his eyes again, before whispering. “I love you, Jason.”
He froze, looking down at her in surprise like he hadn’t been expecting it. Which—he hadn’t. He had never heard that from someone else before, not even Cassie. She stared back at him, waiting expectantly for him to say something, and Dean didn’t know what to do. So he did the first thing that came to mind. He gave the expected response.
“I love you too.”
He wasn’t sure if he did or not. There was something there, but he didn’t know what it was, and he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to know. For right now, though, on the off chance that this was love, he didn’t want to lie to her either. Because he really could love her, if he was given enough of a chance.
The way he felt when the smile split across her face was sign of that enough.
She leaned in to kiss him again, and he just pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Lana needed him, and that wasn’t looking to change anytime soon. For a little while, he could do with being needed.
***
By the time Dean left, he did actually love her, and he didn’t want to go.
Things with Lana were like he had been handed the promise land. Granted, Isobel had tried to kill him again, but that wasn’t such a big deal. He finally managed to expel the bitch for good, avoided death by meteor shower, and had another happy, healthy summer with Lana, but this call from his dad—it wasn’t something he could avoid. There was just something about the message that his dad left behind that told Dean he couldn’t ignore it. Too much EMF, too much weirdness—Dean needed to find his father.
And he was going to need his brother to do it.
That was going to be a whole other obstacle that he wasn’t prepared for, but for right now, he was just packing, and figuring out how he was going to say goodbye. Lana was at Met U and wasn’t due back until the weekend, but he couldn’t wait until then. He needed to leave now. Never mind the fact that the last time he said goodbye to a girl, she called him insane. It meant that he couldn’t tell the truth. At least, not all of it.
He thought about leaving a note. It would have been simple, and he wouldn’t have to hear her voice or see the disappointment on her face, but he also knew that wasn’t fair. Instead, he just picked up phone, dialed her number, and waited for someone on the other end to pick up.
No one did.
Her voicemail clicked on, and while he knew that leaving a message was wrong, and that he should wait to actually talk to her, he needed to go. So he took a deep breath, and he started talking.
“Hey, Lana, it’s me. I know that you’re supposed to wait and say goodbye in person, and I could drive up to see you, but … I’m afraid I don’t have the time. There’s been … a bit of an emergency with my dad, and I think he’s in trouble. I gotta go find him, and … I don’t know when I’ll be back. It’s probably better if you … don’t wait for me. But if I can come back … I will.”
He swallowed hard, and there was a long pause before he finished. “For what it’s worth—I wish I didn’t have to.”
Then he hung up, reached for the bag, and went to head down to his car. It was going to be a long drive to Palo Alto. He just hoped that Sam wasn’t going to make this harder than he had to.
It was just after Sam’s twenty-first birthday, and Dean had been driving ever since he left Stanford. He hadn’t seen his brother for his birthday. He hadn’t been the one to take him to a bar for the first time legally and getting him wasted. Sam had friends for that now. He didn’t need his father, or his brother, apparently. He could find replacements for all of them in his shiny new life in Palo Alto. What the hell did he need Dean for?
What the hell did anyone need Dean for?
He wasn’t sure what brought on this sudden bout of self-loathing, or maybe it wasn’t all that sudden at all. Ever since Cassie, things in Dean’s life just seemed to keep slipping lower and lower, and while he didn’t know how to fix it, he knew that he just wanted a break. He left his dad hunting a coven in Wyoming, dropped by Stanford to make sure Sam was still in one piece, then headed east. He rolled into Smallville with the intention of just disappearing obscurely into some small town where no one knew his name. He wouldn’t do what his brother did. He would answer the phone if someone needed him, but beyond that, Dean Winchester was off the grid. And until necessary, he wasn’t coming back.
He pulled the Impala into a parking spot in front of a building called the Talon, and made his way inside. It was a slow afternoon, and there weren’t a whole lot of people around, just an odd coffee drinker and the girl behind the counter. He strode his way over, leaning against the counter as he looked around. The girl had a great ass and a pretty smile, and when she turned around, there was that small falter in the smile before it widened, a sign of interest if he ever saw one.
“What can I get you?” she asked, moving closer to the counter, and his eyes drifted up to the menu for a moment, before turning back to her.
“Just a large black coffee, if you can.”
“What, no cappuchino?”
“Hell no,” he said, with a laugh. “All I want in my coffee is caffeine, and nothing else.”
She laughed, before starting to fix the cup. “Well, if that’s what you want, that’s what you get.” He flashed her a smile, starting to drum his fingers against the counter lightly. She poured him the cup, and passed it to him. “New in town?”
He raised an eyebrow as he went to take a sip. “That obvious?”
“It’s a small town,” she said with a small smile. “New people tend to stand out a bit.”
“Ah,” he said with a nod. “Yeah, I’m new. Not sure if I’m just passin’ through or sticking around, though.”
“What brought you here in the first place?”
“Route 56?” he said with a shrug. “I needed to stop off for coffee and gas, so I figured this looked like as good a place as any.”
“So after you get your coffee you’re planning on just climbing back into your car and rolling off into the sunset?”
“It is what I do best,” he said with a grin. “Unless you can think of a reason why I should stay?”
She leaned forward on the counter, letting her elbows rest there for a moment, before shrugging. “To be honest, I can’t really think of all that good a reason why I am right now.”
“Huh,” he said with a shrug, before reaching for his wallet and handing the money off to her. “Guess it’s just another spot on the map.”
“Yeah. Guess so.” She handed him his change. “You have a good day … ?”
“Jason,” he said, pulling out the first name that came to mind. “Jason Teague.” ‘Jason Teague’ was actually his newest fake credit card, and officially his new favorite alias. In fact, he was a little too proud of it. But that was neither here nor there. “Nice meeting you … ?”
“Lana,” she nodded. “Lana Lang.”
***
Dean didn’t wind up just passing through.
Well, that’s not entirely true. He did, but he came back. There was about three months of aimless driving before he found his way back into town again, and back to the coffee shop of Lana Lang. An hour earlier he had been finishing up a salt and burn that had taken far too long, but that was what happened when you were working on your own. He didn’t know what pulled him back to the Talon, of all places, but he arrived at the same time she did, pulling a suitcase behind her and looking just about as exhausted as he felt.
“Hey,” she said softly, that smile stretching across her face again. “It’s Jason, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he said with a nod, barely remembering why he had used the name Jason but figuring it was close enough. “Lana, right?”
“That’s me,” she said with a nod. “What are you doing back in Smallville?”
He shrugged. “Route 56,” he lied. “I remembered that this was the town with excellent coffee.”
She nodded. “Well, I’m glad you found your way back.” She took a deep breath, before turning towards the door. He reached over to open it for her, and as she started to walk through, she turned back to him with a smile. “You know, they make a really good muffin here, too.”
“Do they?”
“They do,” she said with a nod. “And they’re usually better when enjoyed with someone else.”
“Well, I will just have to take your expert opinion on that one,” he grinned as he followed her inside.
“Good.”
***
When Lana first told him she loved him, Dean wasn’t sure what to do with it.
Dean hated witches. Hated them with a passion, and when one decided to up and possess his girlfriend? Dean wasn’t a happy camper. It didn’t take him all that long to find the book and destroy it, but not before the damage had been done. Lex had worn his fingers to the bone, and Dean himself was nursing more than a few bumps and bruises. But Lana, for the most part, was okay, and that was all that mattered.
They were curled up on the couch in her apartment, Lana wrapped in a blanket and cradled against his chest. He was tired, and really wanted nothing more than to just pass out and go back to sleep, but this was important too. This was needed.
“How did you figure out how to get me back?”
Dean shrugged, one had rubbing her back idly. “I’m a smart guy . She was so protective over that book, anyone could have put two and two together.”
“Well, I’m glad you did,” she said softly, shifting so that she could lean in and kiss him softly. He closed his eyes into the kiss, leaning into the press of her hand. There was something so normal about it, so safe, that for a moment Dean could understand what Sam found so enticing about it. “My hero,” she whispered as she pulled back, and he smiled, before pulling her in closer. She shifted, pulling back to meet his eyes again, before whispering. “I love you, Jason.”
He froze, looking down at her in surprise like he hadn’t been expecting it. Which—he hadn’t. He had never heard that from someone else before, not even Cassie. She stared back at him, waiting expectantly for him to say something, and Dean didn’t know what to do. So he did the first thing that came to mind. He gave the expected response.
“I love you too.”
He wasn’t sure if he did or not. There was something there, but he didn’t know what it was, and he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to know. For right now, though, on the off chance that this was love, he didn’t want to lie to her either. Because he really could love her, if he was given enough of a chance.
The way he felt when the smile split across her face was sign of that enough.
She leaned in to kiss him again, and he just pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Lana needed him, and that wasn’t looking to change anytime soon. For a little while, he could do with being needed.
***
By the time Dean left, he did actually love her, and he didn’t want to go.
Things with Lana were like he had been handed the promise land. Granted, Isobel had tried to kill him again, but that wasn’t such a big deal. He finally managed to expel the bitch for good, avoided death by meteor shower, and had another happy, healthy summer with Lana, but this call from his dad—it wasn’t something he could avoid. There was just something about the message that his dad left behind that told Dean he couldn’t ignore it. Too much EMF, too much weirdness—Dean needed to find his father.
And he was going to need his brother to do it.
That was going to be a whole other obstacle that he wasn’t prepared for, but for right now, he was just packing, and figuring out how he was going to say goodbye. Lana was at Met U and wasn’t due back until the weekend, but he couldn’t wait until then. He needed to leave now. Never mind the fact that the last time he said goodbye to a girl, she called him insane. It meant that he couldn’t tell the truth. At least, not all of it.
He thought about leaving a note. It would have been simple, and he wouldn’t have to hear her voice or see the disappointment on her face, but he also knew that wasn’t fair. Instead, he just picked up phone, dialed her number, and waited for someone on the other end to pick up.
No one did.
Her voicemail clicked on, and while he knew that leaving a message was wrong, and that he should wait to actually talk to her, he needed to go. So he took a deep breath, and he started talking.
“Hey, Lana, it’s me. I know that you’re supposed to wait and say goodbye in person, and I could drive up to see you, but … I’m afraid I don’t have the time. There’s been … a bit of an emergency with my dad, and I think he’s in trouble. I gotta go find him, and … I don’t know when I’ll be back. It’s probably better if you … don’t wait for me. But if I can come back … I will.”
He swallowed hard, and there was a long pause before he finished. “For what it’s worth—I wish I didn’t have to.”
Then he hung up, reached for the bag, and went to head down to his car. It was going to be a long drive to Palo Alto. He just hoped that Sam wasn’t going to make this harder than he had to.